FYL 008: Halfway Through Your First Pregnancy

They say motherhood is all about giving and that you start practicing selflessness during pregnancy.  As a self-proclaimed “control freak”, 24 weeks of (unplanned) pregnancy has been nothing short of a wild ride. From working on aligning my body & mind, to realizing how hard it is to let go of control and accepting all of the unknowns, in-between, that come with pregnancy. 

As a woman who has never really dreamed of having children, an unplanned pregnancy can be very confusing. Especially considering that I haven’t experienced many of the symptoms that come with early pregnancy. Because of the lack of symptoms, it’s been a running joke that if we didn’t know I was pregnant, we wouldn’t know that I was pregnant. While I’m not complaining whatsoever about having a mild start on this journey, it becomes confusing when I try to wrap my head around the fact that I am indeed pregnant. Conflicting thoughts flood my mind, “I’m pregnant? But I don’t feel pregnant…” and these thoughts can quickly turn into an exhausting cycle.

Halfway through my pregnancy, I’m finally beginning to show and it has had its ups and downs. CON: my wardrobe selection varies from day-to-day; what fits today won’t necessarily fit tomorrow and what didn’t fit yesterday, may be a perfect fit today! Bizarre, right?! PRO:  I finally look pregnant; I don’t look like I’ve overindulged on sweets! Yippee!

My boyfriend, Sean, and I took the test together, at home. The moment I saw the positive sign, I broke down in tears. We laugh about it now because he thought that I was crying because the test was negative (tune into the podcast for an idea of how that dialogue went). The surge of emotion that is felt when that little + [positive] sign appears is indescribable. My support system was there to catch me in that moment; Sean was my rock. He was sweet, calm and realistic. He lovingly told me “I don’t have all of the answers, but we’re going to figure this out”. Thankfully, he’s maintained that cool demeanor because it’s kept me from panicking along the way.

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I felt like my world was collapsing around me. I suddenly belonged to what felt like a secret group of women who harbor the secret of pregnancy. Well, “secret” until it’s confirmed by the doctor and I could start announcing it. The shock wore off, little-by-little and each week brought new and exciting milestones.  Every moment, from announcing the pregnancy to feeling the first kicks, I find myself wondering how I ever entertained the thought of skipping out on this journey before!

So far, I feel that my biggest accomplishment has been the ability to stay patient with myself and embrace the changes that come with each day. Tune in to the podcast to hear Jenny and Shaina’s feedback on my big question: when in doubt, how do you know when to trust your gut?